Dear College Girls

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that relationships are difficult. I, myself, have only been in one serious relationship. For three years I have been with the man of my dreams, but I can honestly say it has been a roller coaster of ups and downs.

Let me back up a little. Before my junior year of college I was a very free spirit. I joined a sorority immediately, made tons of new friends, and boosted my alcohol tolerance to an unhealthy extent.

I would say this is normal for the time we all live in now. I partied and thought about guys. Basically non-stop. My female hormones were raging. I thought that I would go to parties and find the man of my dreams and live this fun, always on the go lifestyle. No worries.

This blog is for those girls that are like me now when I was in school. Either in college now or an up-coming student.

Im not going to tell you to not party. Im not going to tell you to not drink. That is COMPLETELY normal for a 18+ young girl. Im just going to tell you what I went through, and maybe you can learn from me and avoid this experience.

So before my sophomore year of college, I was a virgin. Yup, very rare these days sadly. And believe me, going to one of the most known schools for partying, there were MANY MANY occasions where temptation was screaming in my face.

My best friend of the time and I worked as a team. She’d always have my back and told me over and over how proud of me she was to have such pure morals. And at parties we’d have a secret signal to give each other when we were a little too uncomfortable with a guy. It was great actually lol. My freshman year of college was definitely one to remember….or forget. Lol. But I made it through the whole year as a virgin, and let me tell you…I’m very proud of myself for that.

Anyways, during the summer I would spend it at home with my parents. They lived about 4 hours away from my school. Well lets just say my friends from back home weren’t as reliable as my best friend who stayed at school during the summer.

One night when I was working a night shift at Chick Fil-a part time I got invited to a party at my hometown’s local college. I knew the girls who invited me were a little on the crazy side, they were at least 2 or 3 years younger than me so they thought it would be cool if I took them to a college party. My first instinct told me to go home, you’re tired, just take it easy. But I didn’t listen.

I rushed home after work to get ready and go see what this party was about. When we arrived to the party, it seemed like a normal rowdy college parties, filled with people who I recognized from high school. Not going to lie, I was having a good time at first.

It wasn’t but 20 minutes into the party when a guy approached me and we started to have a conversation about how he is just on leave from the marines and he knows the guy who lived at the place the party was taking place. He offered me a drink, I took it and continued to party with my friends.

Then I blacked out.

This part is very hard for me to right. But Im going to be blunt and honest.

The next thing I remember is being in a random room on a bed with this guy on top of me. It was too late… my virginity had been taken by a stranger.

I immediately rushed down stairs, grabbed my “friends” who didn’t even notice I was gone, and started balling my eyes out in the parking lot.

Everything that I had promised myself was gone and I felt so much shame surrounding me. I knew I probably wasn’t going to wait until marriage to have sex, but I had never imagined it would happen in such a way.

Girls, please don’t let what happened to me happen to you. Give yourself to a man who loves you, and definitely do not be under the influence when it does happen.

Just a few words of advice from an alumni who has seen it all.

Always have real friends with you when you party. And do like I did with Rachael and have some sort of sign to get out of uncomfortable situations.

Never take a drink from a random person.

DO NOT give your heart to the first guy you meet. They WILL screw you over.

Listen to your gut feeling.

If you are not having fun, just go home and order a pizza and watch a movie. Trust me, staying longer is not going to make the party more fun.

Don’t drink and drive. I was so upset after being raped that I drove home drunk. I could’ve killed myself, or worse, an innocent person.

It is very hard for me to write this. I have only told a few people about this occurrence, but I feel strongly about protecting young women against these issues. I am in NO way a feminist, but this hits home with me.

Until next time,

Alexis

xoxo

 

How To Be Happy

My life is nothing close to being sunshine and smiles. Life is hard. I don’t believe there is a person in this world who doesn’t have days where they truly feel unhappy with their life.

Im all about honesty, so let me dip your toes into a little bit of my personal life. I struggle with anxiety daily. The littlest things will cause me grief and stress, and before I know it, I panic. When I could just sit back and think about how little the situation is, I could avoid these anxiety attacks, but instead I lash out at whatever is near me (usually my boyfriend). My anxiety has caused problems in my relationship and have led me to a lazy lifestyle that altered my normal daily routine: going out with friends, not doing what I am passionate about, and led me to toxic habits.

One day it just clicked inside of me. If I wanted to keep the love of my life around and live a truly fulfilling life, I needed to focus on the most important thing in this world: happiness. 

Recently my sister has been going through a rough time in her life as well… she’s older than me by about 4 years, but she looks up to me. She texts me asking for advice, “how did you become happy again, lex?” “how do I push this gut-wrenching feeling away?”

I simply told her what I told myself. And what I would tell to any girl out there.

If your job sucks, get a new one.

Stop relying on the opposite sex for your happiness. Focus on your needs and passions, incorporate them in it, but don’t let them become it. 

Start exercising.

Take up new hobbies and start something new.

Join a community group.

Balance your personal life with your social life.

Write in a journal.

Volunteer.

Get a puppy.

In the beginning these things may just seem like distractions, and well…they are. But before your brain can even process it, these things will become your life. 

Are you laying in bed right now reading this? Get the F*** up. No day is promised to you, fulfill each day with surroundings that make you smile, feel loved, and give you purpose.

Comment down below things that make you happy. Are you unhappy? Why? Feel free to reach out to me!

As always, don’t forget to follow or leave your email so you never miss a post!

Until next time,

Alexis

xoxox

 

To The Girl Who Lost Her Mother To Drugs: Im With You.

**WARNING, EMOTIONAL POST AHEAD**

Hi Y’all, sorry that I have been away recently. I have been going through a lot. This is really hard for me to write about because it is really personal, but I think it is important to share because I fully believe other girls are going through the same thing I am, and I want them to know that they are not alone.

I know this is not a typically happy post that I usually have, but I always write when I am sad or feeling alone. It helps. You should try it.

So here goes nothing.


Not everyone knows what it’s like to not have a mother. Granted, I was blessed with the most amazing stepmom around the second grade who helped raised me and teach me how to love and live my life by God’s word. But in reality, it is not the same. I’ve never been the girl who calls her mommy when she’s sick, has a broken heart from a silly boy, or needs advice about how to do her makeup or what to wear to the school dance. I’ve never had that mom who calls me daily to check up on me and tells me how much she loves me and tells me stories countless times about what I used to do as a toddler. That mom who carried you around in her belly for 9 months and gave birth to you. The first person to ever look into your eyes. But I truly believe every girl needs a mother.

Since I can remember growing up with my mom has been a struggle. I have never been a fan of drugs, and not because I took a class in middle school about how much drugs can ruin your life. I know firsthand how they can ruin a person’s life because drugs took my mom away from me. From the time I first started school, to now as an independent adult, I am constantly disappointed. Mom used to promise me that she would visit me for lunch at school, every elementary school kids favorite thing in the world. Lunchtime would come around and I would sit at the designated table where parents could sit with their kids at lunchtime. I remember bragging to all my friends that my mommy would be here for lunch (my dad couldn’t because he was always working). Time would pass by, and lunchtime would pass..she never showed. This happened to me probably about 5 times, the embarrassment was so bad I just wanted to leave school. This doesn’t even compare to the amount of disappointment I have received from her over the years.

My mom and dad ended up getting a divorce not long after I started elementary school. This meant my mom would only get to see me on weekends, or whenever I would ask my dad to drive me to whatever house she was living in. This was even more of a disaster. She was constantly changing houses, and each one was worse than the one before with even worse “roommates”. Most of the time it was any guy she could find that would financially help her out, for who knows what in return. Every guy was the same as the last, they’d act like they were my “stepdad” and thinking about it now makes me sick to my stomach. Visiting her was when I really got to see the real side of her. Since I was so young I didn’t really understand what was going on, but most of the time she’d behave when I was around..but sometimes she couldn’t help what happened around me. I remember one time she needed to pick the guy up that she was dating at the time because he was too drunk. He got in the back seat that was behind the driver seat, and I was in the passenger side. He pulled out a knife and put it to my mom’s neck. Kept screaming at her that he’d kill her. If I wasn’t in that passenger seat…who knows what could’ve happened. This is only one of the stories that I have from her visits.

But at least during those times, I had a mother to even visit. It wasn’t long after that that she disappeared. And by disappeared I mean I wouldn’t hear from her for weeks maybe even months. My dad and stepmom would hope that she wasn’t dead, but eventually, id get that call from a state prison..and there she was. My mother has been in and out of prison since I can remember. Timed phone calls and visits to a prison that was hours away from me is what I knew of my mom. A child should NEVER have to look at her mom in a jumpsuit, sitting just a table apart from a murderer and other inmates with crazy sentences, but that is what I had to go through. Rows of gates and metal detectors separated me from my mom.

My walls didn’t build around my heart until the day I became fed up from not hearing from her for so long that I showed up at her current house about 45 minutes away from where I was living, what I saw that day I wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t know whether she was back in prison, or just back on drugs. I pulled up to what looked like an empty home. I knocked on the door anyway, hoping that maybe the mom I always imagined in my head would answer the door. No response. I noticed a card sticking out of the door with a name and phone number on it that read, “Traci, please call me asap.” Traci is my mom’s name. I thought it seemed odd so I called the number myself and explained to the woman who I was and what I was doing. The woman was my mom’s parole officer and told me that she had been trying to get ahold of her as well. The panic set in, and I started to come to the conclusion that she was locked up again when the door opened behind me. The woman I saw was not my mom, at least not the version of my mom that I knew. This woman was broken. She didn’t care about her appearance. She didn’t care about anything. She explained to me that she was hiding in her home because people had been “breaking” in and she was scared. She was all alone and had been sleeping on the floor because someone stole all her furniture and bed. I was traumatized. I was heartbroken. I felt bad for her, but at the same time, I didn’t. Because she did this to herself. How could MY mom create this life for herself?

I left that day and completely shut down. I had seen it all. To this day I haven’t seen my mom in probably 3 or 4 years. I haven’t spoken to my mom on the phone in over 6 months…

Holidays is when it is the worst for me. My 23rd birthday just passed, and not a word from my mom. Graduations, Sorority mother/daughter weekends, Christmas… all just fly by with my mother growing more and more apart from my life. Even though I say all these things, my mother is not a bad person. She may do some terrible things, but she loves God and at the end of the day I know she loves me. She was always so funny and knew how to make me laugh when I was upset. She has the softest skin in the world. Even at my age now, I’d give anything to be able to cuddle up in her arms and lay my head on her incredibly soft chest. I am just scared. I am scared that one day instead of getting a call from a prison, I’ll get a different call. A call that’ll crumble my world into pieces. Losing my mom without getting to tell her one last time that I love her is my biggest fear. I pray every night that she is at least safe and that God would forgive her for all her sins.

Bad memories are not the only thing I received from a lack of one parent. Emotional, trust, relationship, and separation issues have all surfaced because of it. Yes, I admit that I have issues, but I have also learned a lot from this as well. I am probably one of the most forgiving people in this world, sometimes this is my downfall, but if I can forgive my mother for abandonment, then I can forgive easily for other minor things. I also know what NOT to do as a parent, I know the wrong type of man from the right one, and I know how to forgive myself for mistakes that I make and how to bounce back from traumas that I have experienced on my own.

I pray that one day I have the strength to look at my mom in the eyes again, and not feel any hurt or heartache. I pray that all these thoughts, memories, and emotions will eventually be a faded thing of the past and that I don’t have to think of her as a criminal or drug addict but just my MOM.